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July 2005
INSIDE THIS ISSUE
Rover Group - 2 Coy - 3 Coy - A Coy 1 Staffords
Boat Troop Royal Engineers - C Coy 2 RRF - Escort
Multiple
Coldstream Guards Families Office News ‘From Home’
SHAAT SPORT
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The Commanding Officer and all ranks of the
Coldstream Guards Battle Group would like to offer
their sincere condolences to Major Andy Hadfield and
all ranks of A Company, 1 Staffords, with respect to
the tragic loss of 3 of their soldiers in Al Amarah.
GUARDSMAN GRATTON APPEAL
So far you have raised nearly US$2000 for the Gdsm
Gratton Appeal. Well done and thank you to all who
have donated so far during the numerous events that
have been run. A big thank you should go to all
those who have organised events to date, well done
and keep it up!!
FORTHCOMING FUND RAISING EVENTS
Donate For Your Plate!
Charity 10 km Run!
Charity Marathon!
Quiz Nights!
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ROVER GROUP
Who is the Grumpy Old Man?
“Did he just wave at the kid?”
“If he did – that will be a first!”
Sat in the front of the Bravo Snatch of the
Commanding Officers’ Rover group you get to know the
pattern of life of the top cover in the Alpha wagon.
Fenwick (Father) never, no really, never
acknowledges the presence of any other mortal in
this rubbish ridden city.
He adopts a very low, extremely professional posture
scanning his arcs with a dedication that is
inspirational to the remainder of the multiple.
“I once saw him thank someone for letting us
through” Benny continues still in a state of
complete disbelief.
“Did you wave then Old man?” – asks Carr over
channel 15
“Stop the vehicles”– comes the panic stricken voice
of the Commanding Officer - I need clarification”
Garvy eases the sand coloured V8 beast from about
5000 revs to idle as the whole Rover Group debus to
share in the euphoria.
“Sgt Fenwick – did you wave?” asks the Commanding
Officer in a voice which contains concern. You can
hear the thought pattern - Has Fenwick finally come
to terms with the fact that unlike the Great Gulf
war (where he first felt sand between his aging
toes) not all of the Basraians despise us with a
passion that knows no bounds.
“I had a momentary lapse, I let my guard down for
one minute, and I promise it will never happen again
I feel so ashamed, I feel dirty Sir.”
“ No, No, No this is good news, I’ve told you Sgt
Fenwick there’s only room for one grumpy old sod
within the Rover Group – you’ve lost the title!”
A morale outbreak - Benny and Garvy start to rev the
beasts (Benny whilst carrying out one arm press –
ups), Paul and Bombhead start talking to each other
in Batco and retuning Antennas, Mitch starts
wandering around (as he does when he first
reveilles) Mac lights a fag, Bart starts discussing
his new svelte panther like physic – to anyone you
will listen, The Sarn’t Major carries out a series
of immaculately precise right turns at the halt, The
Snipers take cover speaking in hushed voices - “I’m
taking the shot” – “ pass me the catapult” and AK
looks for someone of his own mentality to impress
with his big gun – luckily an innocent school kid
passes by!
It has been a day of wonder and joy for the B11A C/S
- finally after 2.5 months the grumpy old man has
crumbled!
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THE ROVER GROUP DOES PT - PHYSICAL TRAINING
INTRODUCTION
As the Battalion/Battle Group PTI I naturally
assumed the mantle of looking after the physical
well being of the Rover Group. My aim was to turn
these fine soldiers into Physical Beasts. The method
I used was to progressively train their bodies on a
daily basis and throw in the odd THRASHING or 2.
Over the remaining 3 months of the tour I intend to
keep you updated on the Physical Training Conversion
of the Rover Group. The first 3 months provided ups
and downs, movers and shakers and I am sure this
will continue for the remainder of the tour.
. . . . .So read on for the first instalment of
the ROVER GROUP DOES PT.
STORY SO FAR….
THE ASSESSMENT
On the 28th April 2005 at the Shatt Al Arab Hotel
the Rover Groups first assessment took place. It
consisted of a run, dips and sit ups. The group had
only been in Iraq 2 weeks and the heat played its
part in the assessment. Such comments as “you
psycho”, “you heartless b!*?ard”, “sicko” were
directed my way. I happily thought to myself – my
job has been done here today.
GARTHWAITE’S ANGUISH
One morning shortly after the assessment Gdsm
Garthwaite worked extremely hard during a pt
session. Feeling dehydrated he decided to drink over
a litre of water and continued to finish the pt
session with the rest of the group in the gymnasium.
After the session was finished Gdsm Garthwaite felt
dizzy and collapsed outside of the gym and threw up
the litre of water he had just drank. He was taken
to the medical centre and is forever known as the
first casualty of the Rover Group PT conversion.
“I AM GOING ON THE MACHINES”
This soon became the favourite saying of Sgt
Fenwick. Being the ‘Father’ of the group at 40 ‘Fen’
keeps reminding us “my days of being a stripped down
Recce Landrover are behind me”. Fen spends his
morning pt sessions on the C.V. Machines in the
gymnasium.
BARTON’S 12-MILER
After stating at the start of the tour, quite
defiantly that he would never do more than six miles
in one go, LSgt Barton completed 12 miles one
morning. Well done him.
NOTE – he was not much use to anyone for the
following 2 days but at least his conversion took an
upward turn.
THE RE-ASSESSMENT
So came the day of the re-assessment. Rivalries had
been forged within the group which added to the
tension. Everyone improved quite considerabley on
every aspect of the assessment with special mention
going to LSgt Barton and Gdsm Garthwaite who knocked
off over a minute of their run time and the RSM who
proceeded to do a sit up for every second of the
assessment. A big well done to the Rover Group but
the conversion is not yet complete….
NEXT MONTH
Look forward to MITCHELL’S TANTRUM, MAJ THURSTAN AND
CAPT NA NAKHORN BAPTISM and MANY MORE STORIES.
CHARACTERS
|
Rank
|
Name |
Nickname |
Remarks
|
|
WO1 (RSM)
|
Carr |
The Singlet Hater |
Nearly 40 yrs old,
good engine, likes chips. Likes to play eye spy. |
|
Sgt
|
Fenwick |
Father |
Likes smoking
cigarettes |
|
Sgt
|
Bennett |
Prawn |
Likes thrashing
people |
|
LSgt |
Barton |
Cow head |
Performs well
considering size of his head |
|
LSgt
|
Care |
Paul |
Cool under
pressure, doesn’t like pain though. |
|
LCpl
|
Broomfield |
Bombhead |
Bald at 23 yrs old
but has potential |
|
LCpl |
Mitchell |
Mitch |
Short temper,
needs it channelling in the right direction |
|
LCpl
|
Anderson-Kobs |
A.K. |
Baby of the group,
does as he is told |
|
Gdsm |
Garthwaite |
Girthwaite |
Likes to drive
everywhere, needs to learn to use his legs
instead of wheels |
C BENNETT
Sgt
APTCI
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No 2 Company
It is now half way through the tour and we have
settled into a routine that sees time measured not
by days but by rotations. For the multiples in the
company there are three rotations, each lasting four
days. The first of these is to provide part of the
guard force for the camp. From guard we then move
onto night patrols that provide the opportunity of
seeing the bright lights of downtown Basra-although
the nightlife hardly rivals Cheeks on a Saturday
night. The final rotation is day patrolling, which
is usually very hot work, but it does allow us to
get out into the hustle and bustle of the city and
talk to ordinary Iraqis on the street.
The Number Two Company Sports Emporium is still
going strong. Table tennis remains a favourite, with
Lt Raley being top of the company ladder for the
moment (some would say it is all the spare time he
has), with LSgt Bumby also seen with bat in hand on
many occasions. The CSM’s driving range is still in
use, although stocks of golf balls are growing
smaller after the participation of enthusiastic but
less gifted golfing talent.
The football team is still top of the league,
however with the driving force that is the CQMS away
on R and R the competition could well sense a
weakness. Volleyball is also a regular feature,
although it has to be said that J30A do spend a lot
more time taking part in “Top Gun” style matches
then the rest of the company. There is still a
regular showing at the gym by members of the
company, as well as the dedicated that run laps of
the camp every day.
The company has now completed boat familiarisation,
which allows us to conduct patrols by boat up and
down the Shatt-al-Arab River. It is a lot of fun
moving at high speed on the rigid raiders and patrol
boats, although Gdsm Thorncroft found that
seasickness does not necessarily have to occur on
the sea.
The Number Two Company compound has undergone some
refurbishment over the last couple of weeks. It was
all hands on deck to build walls of concrete blocks
and move mountains of sand, the result being a
crystal maze effect and a little less room for
sunbathing.
The major achievement for the company recently has
been “The Real Workers” winning the quiz night. All
those evenings in The Squirrel prior to deployment
finally paid off!
Gdsm Holsgrove-with his school friends
The Basra experience has been good for us all so
far, we have seen some interesting sights ranging
from the rover group led by the CSM chasing a cow
round the camp perimeter to Gdsm George sunbathing
wearing nothing but a sock. We have now hit and
passed the half way mark, there is still much work
to be done and the men and women of No. 2 Company
are equal to the tasks that lie ahead.
Images from 2 Company
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No 3 Company
Another month flies by in the Old State Building.
Life is as hectic as ever here but there is still
time for a few extra curricular activities between
patrols and guard. Gdsm Gordon still manages to lift
the entire gym every day (all at the same time!) and
Sgt Hickey’s ambition to “go native” is in full
swing with his bottle of baby oil and roof top sofa!
Major Sergeant is rumoured to have spent a few
moments on the roof worshipping the sun god but
thanks to an integrated early warning system the
Brigade Commander has not managed to catch him yet!
This month has seen the emotional farewell of 3
Platoon A Coy and a welcome to 2 Platoon. The
platoon was initially worried because of the
reputation of the AGAI sniper (CSM Jones) as it was
rumoured he had inbuilt MSTAR capabilities and could
sense a Pte with no headdress from 100 metres! So
far though there have been no problems (testament to
the ethos of “keep low move fast!”) and the platoon
has enjoyed their time here a lot. The Warrior
ground domination and the new sights of inner city
Basra gave the Staffords multiples something varied
and different, which they say is as good as a
holiday……..well, nearly
3 Coy Rover Group have had a busy month climaxing at
the Oil Company Conference meeting in which they
combined with the TSU and Government bodyguards to
provide protection. Things started well for the
first few minutes until the governor and his
bodyguards turned up.
They believed themselves and their vehicles were
above being searched which led to a heated “debate”
between them and the TSU which escalated to weapons
been cocked, headlocks and barber’s scrubs. Comical
to say the least for the rover group who watched the
whole debacle from a safe distance hiding behind the
snatches! The swansong of the incident though was
when the TSU stormed off only to forget one of their
men who duly ran after them up the road shouting
something like “wait for me!”
N10A are working hard to escape the AGAI sniper
whilst also introducing new reference spots for the
company. Taylor’s corner (red 19) so-called because
he collapsed on a cordon there in the heat of the
day. This should not be confused with Taylor’s dogs’
Corner (Pink 9) which is where, during a route
search, he had to internally check a dead dog’s
decaying corpse. Nice! Team spirit and the
competitive edge is still encouraged within the
multiple by arm wrestling competitions to decide on
life and death decisions such as who gets 24 hour
stand down. It has been noted that Lt Lock has
worked every day in theatre! The twice weekly games
of football have stopped due to the heat, although
PT is being maintained through the medium of the
Play station.
N10B whilst out on patrol (yes they sometimes manage
to prize Sgt Hickey from the sun sofa) spotted an
unusual shape on a rooftop. Further investigation
found that it belonged to an IPS Major who decided
it was what was needed for a bit of home security.
Well, you can imagine that this definition of
“small” arms takes the biscuit. Sgt Hickey was heard
saying, “I mean, can you imagine having something
that big tucked in your trousers?” A resounding
“yes!” came back from LCpl Bramhall. “Well remember,
it’s what you do with it my mum told me” came the
reply as Sgt Hickey sheepishly walked away.
Gdsm Chantrell knew he was in the poo with LSgt
O’Connor, after he had without permission, decided
to check the depth of the local open sewer. His
weapon and patrol equipment were also covered in
human excrement, which he had great fun cleaning
after his emergency extraction back to OSB. After
extensive scrubbing behind his ears and private
parts, and a quick check from the Doc he was back on
patrol. But perhaps a little smellier than normal.
N20A have also been very busy this month. There is
not enough time in the day for fishing, sunbathing,
football, volleyball, gym sessions,
sleeping……………………. Need I carry on? They do visit us
mere mortals at OSB occasionally and they can be
seen moving from shadow to shadow and leopard
crawling to the scoff house; but that is on a need
to know basis. And you lot do not need to know. If
you do see these murky figures in and around Basra,
they cannot be identified as “sneaky beakies” by the
casual observer, but I’ll give you a clue. Look for
the hair. You can’t miss it! N20B have been
disbanded this month. This was not due to their lack
of soldiering skills but because of Sgt Bicknell
going on R+R. Talk about deserting a sinking ship!
N30A with the return of Lt Currie have become the
SSR multiple within the company. The main effort of
3 Company now lies on their humble shoulders, let’s
just hope that the sloping shoulders rumour is not
true! Dmr Day had an emotional time last week when
his beloved Sheffield Wednesday game was on but
clashed with an O Group. He was released to watch it
but came back visibly upset when Hartlepool were
winning 2 – 1. After the brief he forced himself
back in front of the TV and to his surprise they won
4 – 2. Rumour has it he hasn’t stopped smiling
since. Dmr Blakelock had an unfortunate incident
whilst trying to impress the local civilian
population of his hard, fast and aggressive
soldering skills. After collapsing a VCP, he
sprinted off to the Snatch only to get tangled up in
his own rifle sling which left him in a crumpled
heap on the floor, much to the amusement of the
locals. Still, ten out of ten for trying!
Overall the company achieved a lot in this month and
also kept its sense of humour (apart from the CQMS
who never signed one out from the stores as a
recruit) even with the trials and tribulations of
BOWMAN comms. Now at the half way point of the tour
the sun can be seen on the horizon and hopefully
it’s obscuring the AGAI snipers field of view. SSR
will carry on edging its way up the steep slope of
progress and we will say goodbye to 2 Platoon in the
near future and welcome back 1 Platoon.
2Lt Bourne
OC 2 Platoon
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A Company-1 Staffords
F10A
Local Eccentricities
Another month has flown by and the routine of our
patrols has blurred it into one long episode. With
seemingly limited terrorist activity to distract us
we have been finding ourselves getting more and more
involved with the local Iraqis and their little
eccentricities. Two such encounters have stood out
above all the rest providing some small sources of
entertainment.
The first happened while we were monitoring a PVCP
at Green 7 when inquisitive tribesmen ambled over
and started talking lightly to us, their flock of
straggly sheep in tow. It wasn’t long before they
were telling us about their best types of firearm
and showing us their long, curved knives tucked
under their belts. When Cpl Davies gingerly asked
what they were for they mimed slitting their
throats. Only when they pointed at their sheep did
it dawn on us that they might be butchers. Eager to
show us their handiwork they proceeded to slit a
sheep’s throat and once we’d watched its blood gush
onto the pavement they continued to skin it and
insisted on having their photos taken with their
small achievement.
Our next encounter was no less strange. We were
conducting a foot patrol in Al Jameat when we came
across a small crowd gathered around a lamp post,
shouting encouragement at something. Intrigued we
approached and became embroiled in the spectacle of
the mating of a couple… that is a cow and a Bull.
The two did not look hugely keen to fulfil this
ultimate act of passion though with so many
spectators present, despite the goading and crude
encouragement of their owners and the other
bystanders. At last the crowd dispersed disappointed
taking the cow with them and leaving us starring at
a very baffled looking bull. Just another day in
Basra.
At least no-one saw the miracle face of the Martyr
Sadr of Al Hassans brother in law, God, in the
goat’s blood.
F10B
OSD and back
Most squaddies in theatre know about Camp Arifjan in
Kuwait. Camp Arifjan is a US camp where British
soldiers take their three days off while on
operational tour in Iraq.
The day before we were going to OSD we were briefed
about it, but as ever nothing was confirmed. The
blokes spirits were high just thinking about it. At
2330hrs the same night we were told that we were
definitely going the next day and by 1000hrs we were
off leaving SAAH behind us. It took an hour to get
to the border where we arrived without incident. On
arriving at the border, we stopped at the American
check point where Sgt Long went to obtain
information about our journey. We then dismounted,
unloaded our weapons and relaxed as we got on our
way again. 4 hrs later and we were in Arifjan.
On arrival we dismounted outside the little British
camp dwarfed by the magnitude of the US
establishment around it. All the blokes were very
excited about being unleashed to wander round the
Middle East.
It wasn’t long before we were ready to see the
sights of the camp. We got the bus which took us to
the fast food diners and swimming pool. All the
blokes had Burger King, some went swimming, some
went shopping and others sunbathed with the American
ladies. After spending a couple of hours in the pool
playing water sports and looking at women, we
decided to go to scoff. We were amazed at the
quality of American food and drink, which was all
free…note to the RCWO, free coke please.
At about 10am the next morning we were at a five
star hotel in Kuwait city. We checked in and went to
our rooms. Later we all decided to go to the pool
which was again full of beautiful women sunbathing
and swimming. There were three pools, a sunbathing
area, beach volleyball, a gorgeous beach and miles
of sea. A few minutes later everyone indulged in a
beer (unfortunately of the non alcoholic variety)
and a swim. After a couple of hours sunbathing, we
decided to hit the town. We went to a big water park
which was closed to men on Tuesdays, so we went to a
shopping mall instead which was like The Bullring in
Birmingham. Once inside we indulged ourselves with a
McDonalds and everything else of importance that has
been missing from our lives for the past three
months.
We spent the rest of the afternoon swimming and
sunbathing until we ended up in an Argentinean grill
where they cooked the best steak any of us could
remember. A fantastic day was enjoyed by all and we
are just looking forward to being told we can go
again?
We set off back to camp Arifjan early the next day,
we got into uniform, changed flat tyres on the
snatches, loaded equipment and then did a last bit
of shopping, before hitting the road back to Iraq.
Luckily, A Coy managed to get a second multiple away
to OSD and they clearly needed to rub it in that
they got away as well, so here goes…
Outside the PX there was a huge stage with tables
and benches next to their sports courts where dozens
of people where dancing on the stage to country
music whilst the crowds cheered them on. (Clearly a
tough life for the US troops down there) We
by-passed the PX and headed to the stage to join in
with the line dancers. The Americans were very
friendly and asked us to join them straight away so
we wasted no time in doing so. We were all trying
our hardest to pick up the steps though being our
first time line dancing the lads and myself were not
quite to the standard of the Americans.
Then, thankfully, Pte Price arrived on the scene. If
only he was as good at staying awake in a sanger as
he is at attempting to dance. The second he saw the
stage he dropped his shopping bags and ran up to
join us though not to dance in the style of the
Americans but in his own unique style and believe me
it was unique. The Cha Cha slide song came on and he
was in his element dancing like a complete lunatic.
The stage was cleared by his antics as the crowds
cheered and clapped him to do more of his crazy
dancing.
How ironic that you come for a tour in Iraq and the
best part of it is in Kuwait.
LCpl Lockington & Pte Whooton
F30A
OSB and back
This month for the multiple has been a mixture of
OSB and SAAH. OSB was a great experience for all and
the Platoon Commander at least is looking forward to
going back. The demands of OSB are somewhat
different to those of the hotel. For the soldier who
wants to save his cash OSB is all you could ask for.
If however, money burns a hole in your pocket, a
common trait for many A Company soldiers, then OSB
is a serious case of cold turkey. Working with
Number 3 Company has been interesting for both
parties. Using Warrior Callsigns on a daily basis
was great and it made us feel as if we were
utilising the platform we trained tirelessly on last
year. With the onset of R&R we received two
attachments from Number 3 Company. My thanks go to
‘Med ball head’ and Mac (a man I still cannot
understand a word he says) for all
their hard work (transfers still available). After a
month of air sentry Pte Price went a peculiar shade
of brown and if I didn’t know better I would say it
was a case of liver failure. Pte Whotton has also
received his TSU uniform for when he signs off.
So back to the SAAH. Life is a little more relaxed
and there is as much pizza and coke you can purchase
on your monthly wage. The multiple has enjoyed
reacquainting itself with the Hyyaniyah. The area is
much tidier which seems to be having a positive
effect on the local population however the children
are still world class shots with a sling shot.
In all a quiet month for the multiple with the
highlight being an exchange with some over zealous
security guards and an incident with one of our
interpreters and the IPS where we were in the right
place at the right time for the lucky chap!
Things are turning over and faces are changing. I
would like to take this chance to thank Cpl O’Gara
for all his hard work and welcome our two new
soldiers Pte Butcher and Pte Instone.
News just in, it seems that someone has attempted to
assassinate Pte ‘ Baron Von’ Watts. Further details
to follow but we are looking for a red scorpion with
a taste for aristocracy.
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GROUNDHOG DAY
In May 2005, Boat Troop was found guilty of crimes
against humanity, crimes they didn’t commit. They
were sentenced to Life Imprisonment in a CES store
at 30 Field Squadrons’ Bridewell Hanger, a hanger
they later escaped from.
Now they work as Boat Ops of Fortune, if you need a
taxi ride from the Shatt al Arab Hotel to Basra
Palace, and you can find them, then maybe you could
hire……….The B team!!!!!!
Well Ahoy there shipmates and welcome to another
Boat Troop News Letter with me, your roving
reporter, Barnacle “Basra” Bill. As May has now
drifted away we find ourselves slipping into June,
Charming girl always eager to please, and the
thermometers are on the rise.
Now at last the Boat Troop is complete, with the
last 3 stragglers finally getting their butts out
here. Firstly, there’s LCpl “Shotgun Pete”
Breckenridge, a FAILED Boat Operator (Git)! I could
have passed that course). Who for his sins has been
banished to the Dive Store by the Emperor and his
Apprentice. LCpl Amy Constable has arrived, she’s
also a Boat Op, and the first female one in the
Corps. (How the hell did she get on the course
before me? I’m telling you, sexism, heightism,
ageism and weightism is rife in this troop, but
that’s another story). And here down at the Palace,
we have LCpl “Jonah” Jones (Jinx) who as been paired
off with “My boats broken again” Finnigan, nice to
see all the Operators are being kept in the one
boat. Its funny their boat has spent more time on
the crane than the fathers for justice.
So, to this months update. As the troop is now
complete, the wet T-shirt competition has been
restarted and we do find a slight change at the top.
1st Ginge, 2nd Lurch, 3rd Quality Air, see what
happens with a lack of beer! Man Boobs disappear!
Quite frankly, I don’t think that Amy is pulling her
weight here.
A new business opportunity has presented itself at
the Palace, as everyone likes Shrimp, and the Shatt
is excellent water for them (according to Ginge, he
knows everything about them.) Ginge has changed his
CSB into a shrimp boat and renamed it “Jenny”. So
when people want the Shrimp, Bubba Ginge Shrimp is
what they get.
The highlight of this month though, has undoubtedly
got to be, the ceremonial opening of Darth er……Staff
Hursts’ wallet. This came about when the Sith Lord
accepted a bet for a whole $10 off of Lurch on the
result of the F.A Cup Final. You can only imagine
the look on his face as Patrick Viera, at approx
2045 hrs Iraqi time, on Sat 21 May 2005, coolly
slipped the ball past Roy Carroll to give Arsenal
their 10th F.A Cup and not only leave Man Utd with
no silverware, but also the fact that the Dark Lord
is now $10 out of pocket. Strangely, at that exact
moment, a small planet in the Alpha Centuri solar
system blew up. Coincidence? Maybe. Evil dark powers
travelling through time and space is quite possible,
remember the truth is out there! But I Digress. So
on Monday, in full view of the rest of the troop,
Staff Hurst, small of height, large of wallet and
tight of fist threw that all important $10 at Lurch.
For three days after that moment he could not be
found (and there was much rejoicing) some say he was
in his room being fanned by some small Iraqi boys,
other just think he was sick as a dog!
OK then just before I wrap this up, it’s competition
time. Your prize is a trip for 2, to the Boat School
at Chatham in February for 1 week where you’ll get
to sit on the bow of a raider in minus 10 weather
and be bounced around like Crash Test Dummies and
turned into a human ice-lolly on the River Medway.
Hell! I had to do it, why not you! So, to win this
once in a lifetime opportunity, just send us in a
nickname for either, Spr Cain or LCpl Constable.
Closing day is the 14 Aug 2005 and you can have as
many goes as you want, be creative!
So until next time, God speed and may your cleats
never rust!
BOAT TROOP - SPOT THE BALL(OCKING)
COMPETITION
Following a slight misdemeanour one member of Boat
Troop received a stern telling off, but who was that
person? For your chance to win a share of 100,000
Iraqi Dinar simply use your skill and judgement to
pick the culprit from the list below.
Troopy Sutcliffe - Probable
The Dark Lord - Highly unlikely
Ginge Peters - No boat involved
Stell Dog Lewis- Not unless Jim near by
Anton Chadwick - Slight chance
Dan Robinson - More than likely
Smudge Smith - Improbable
Lurch - Height restrictions apply
‘Jerri-can’ Jim AHara-No breach of 2 can rule
Mike Cole - High chance
Andy Cain - Almost a certainty
Gollum Newman - Not unless a ring was involved
Muddy Waters - Looking guilty
Once you have made your choice simply send your
answer to:
SSgt John Hurst
Boat Tp 30 Fd Sqn
SAAH
BFPO 647
Remember to include a cheque for £50 made payable to
‘The John Hurst Retirement Fund’
The Dark Lord’s decision is final (and usually
terminal), no correspondence will be entered into,
and your planet may be at risk if you do not keep up
repayments.
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C Company – 2 RRF
BASRA BULLETIN ARTICLES
15 JULY 2005
LANCE CORPORAL STEVE WILLS
My name is LCpl Steve Wills and I am currently
serving with C Coy, 2RRF in Basra Palace where I am
a team commander, it is a demanding job although I
suppose that’s what it’s all about in the Army.
The weather here in Iraq is very hot and it’s
getting hotter each day which suits us when we have
time off as we can improve on our suntans. For
recreational activities around Basra Palace there is
a water feature called the Shatt Al Arab River where
we can fish if we’ve got the time off and are
allowed, there is a gym over in the US compound
which is clean and modern with Sky TV, we’re getting
our own UK gym soon as the last one blew away as it
was in a tent. As I am also a PTI (Physical Training
Instructor) I have marked out a Basic Personal
Fitness Assessment route which is a mile and half
long around the inside of the camp which people use
a lot to keep their fitness up. Most people either
run early in the morning or later at night due to
the soaring temperatures.
One thing we look forward to is getting mail from
loved ones and also getting down time to ourselves.
At the moment the UK military here have made a
combined football team in a competition against the
Romanians and the local Iraqi team from a village
just outside camp. This has been a good thing
despite being beaten every time by the Iraqis as we
then get to mingle with them all and get to know
them on a social level which must help as they’ll
recognise us when we are out patrolling and either
talk to us or tell other people that we are okay.
When we are out on the ground is good because the
Iraqi people are friendly but the kids can be a bit
of a terror as they love crowding around you and
saying, “Mister, mister give me dollars, give me
water” which gets a bit annoying but I suppose
they’re okay. Now that the Iraqi Police Service (IPS)
is up and running, with plenty of support from
Multi-National Forces, they run some of the
Permanent Vehicle Check Points (PVCP’s) which we
sometimes visit on our patrols just to see if they
need any help or to check that everything is running
smoothly which more and more often they are. Some of
the Iraqis speak good English which is useful if
you’re not particularly good at speaking Arabic but
it is worth learning and using some Arabic as they
do appreciate your inadequate efforts and like the
fact that you are trying to be polite. For those
situations when, “How much is a chicken?” or “Which
way to the Town Hall?” just don’t suffice we always
have an interpreter to help us out and they even
teach us about Arabic customs, traditions, religion,
festivals and other useful things to know or phrases
to use.
Well we’re still enjoying it over here and all is
quiet at the moment.
LIEUTENANT MARTIN HEDLEY
I have now served in Iraq with C Company 2RRF for
just over two and a half months. I was in the
privileged position to have been in the Company
prior to the news breaking that we were coming to
Iraq and consequently had worked with the core of
the men who form my multiple on operations in
Northern Ireland and exercises on the mainland. I
command R20A which is one of the five permanent
rifle platoon multiples that make up the bulk of the
C Company’s fighting power. Although now with the R
and R programme in full swing multiples are often
without some of their troops and we have to welcome
in men from other multiples to bulk up our numbers,
but normally I am lucky enough to work with the same
four JNCOs and nine Fusiliers day in day out. (Cpl
Bruce, Cpl Valentine, LCpl Draper, LCpl Wakerley,
Fus Banner, Fus Davison, Fus Robinson, Fus Seldon,
Fus Hackney, Fus Heywood, Rfn Irving, and Fus
Johnston).
Having now spent the last two months patrolling in
our own AO ensuring the security of the
strategically important site of Basrah Palace, and
also operating other areas of Basrah City I feel I
have gained both a good feel for the ground and the
local people within the area. On a routine basis we
are out patrolling either on foot, in Snatch
vehicles, by boat, or even in a helicopter. The C
Coy AO is predominantly small villages and small
holdings along the banks of, and several kilometres
inland of the Shatt Al Arab river. Although by our
own western standards you might consider the people
poor and the areas they live in to be run down and
in need of much repair. However Basrah Province was
hit harder than most areas of Iraq under the former
regime suffering from chronic under-investment in
basic services and housing despite being at the hub
of the lucrative oil industry. The local people tell
us that things have improved greatly since Saddam
was deposed and it is nice to get told this and
welcomed (sometimes into their homes or schools) by
the people we are here to help, and I think that if
anyone who thought that we should not be here were
to come out and speak to people around Basrah they
would change their opinion.
The Iraqi locals are normally pleased to see our
patrols with both adults and children never shy to
give us a wave and greet us whether we are in our
vehicles or on foot. If I stop with my interpreter
to speak to one Iraqi local about something you can
guarantee that a small crowd will have developed in
seconds to listen to what I have to say and more
often than not to get their own opinions across. The
children love the Fusiliers, running up to them
saying “mister, mister give me water/money/a go on
your rifle/machine gun etc.” I will be honest and
say that on some days, particularly when its very
hot the kids can be annoying but all the Fusiliers
show a great deal of professionalism and courteously
and are always friendly towards them and I think it
is this posture that goes along way to explaining
why we have experienced so little insurgent activity
since we have been here.
My main job now and for the remainder of the tour is
to ensure that my multiple continue to work to the
highest standards ensuring that there is no room for
complacency and that we all continue to enjoy the
highly satisfying work we are doing. Time has really
flown by out here and morale is high at the moment.
It is hard to believe we are a third of the way
through the tour already. The R and R package is
well underway and everyone is looking forward for
two weeks off to see their friends and family before
coming back out to Iraq to finish what we have
started.
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Escort Multiple
‘SHAAT CABS’
Door to Door all male escort service. Taxi, private
hire, courier service and airport transport. No
problem too big, no party too large. 24hrs a day, 7
days a week, 365 days a year.
If there was a yellow pages for Basra then the above
would be the advert for H10A, the Basra City Battle
Group’s Escort Multiple. As a Grenadier Officer I
have been the enemy within for the past 6 weeks,
commanding the escort multiple.
The force protection measures taken by UK Forces in
Iraq require both people and equipment to be
escorted from base to base. This movement at Battle
Group level is facilitated by the Escort Multiple.
The Escort Multiple is manned by drivers from the
Transport Platoon and NCOs and Gdsm from the Mortar
Platoon, often under appreciated in their green /
Aldershot roles they provide a service whose absence
here in Iraq would be sorely missed.
The patrol is made up of many lively personalities
who have kept me on my toes with their good humour,
wit, questions and of course complaints and gripes.
I have had to be particularly wary of what I can
only describe as ‘Grenadier Baiting.’ A sport that
appears to be enjoyed by all ranks in the Coldstream
Guards.
Days are always busy and at times rather repetitive,
the positive drawn is that time passes quickly and
different and unusual days are definitely more
memorable. Such as the day spent escorting the CSE
show, comprising of Leah Newman, Jo Guest and Neil
(Razor) Ruddock, around Basra. Unfortunately the
same can also be said for the less glamorous tasks
such as escorting plates and frozen sausages. An
Army marches on its stomach!
Food is often the highlight of the day for anyone
deployed on an operational tour and for H10A this is
definitely the case. For H10A there is the added
delight of eating at various dining establishments
in and around the Basra area (all safe military
locations). A small ‘Good Food Guide’ is currently
in production and should be ready for publication in
the next couple of months.
Vehicles form an integral part of the Escort
Multiples’ operations and with any military
operation that involves vehicles breakdowns are an
all too frequent an occurrence. They always happen
when time is tight and generally on the homeward
bound leg of a journey. There will definitely be a
few members of the patrol who could take up
employment with the AA when the tour is over.
H10A has proven to be an eclectic mix of
Coldstreamers. Professional, cheerful and friendly
they have made a lone Grenadier feel very welcome
and I am sure will continue to provide an invaluable
service to the Battle Group.
Capt Green
Grenadier Guards.
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The Welfare Office has again seen another very busy
month with functions and events being organised for
families left back in Aldershot.
Major events that have taken place recently are
another Sunday Lunch – another well attended event
which involved the children’s magician ‘sawing’
someone in half with an electric saw (amazement,
shock, disbelief were shown on many faces – and that
was just the parents!).
A recent trip to Bockett’s Farm took place recently
– involving many children trying to ‘milk a cow’,
they were amazed that milk doesn’t ‘just come from
Tesco’s’. Both were very well attended and thanks
should go to all families for showing their support.
The next major event due to be planned is a BBQ and
Potted Sports Day, that by the time of reading this
would have taken place. The event is now becoming
bigger than (excuse the pun) ‘Ben Hur’, with a
children’s rides, slides, bouncy castles, jousting &
pony rides booked to name a few events.
The Coldstream Guards Iraqi Children’s Appeal has
been very well supported by everyone in Aldershot.
Some 40+ MFO Boxes have been pre packed ready to
ship out to Iraq, and the Welfare Car is constantly
seen whizzing up and down Queens Avenue with a ‘boot
full’ of toys and other knick-knacks! Thanks should
go to everyone who has help support this cause,
although it is a shame that perishables such as
cream cakes can not be sent out – these of course
are disposed of in the office!!!
Any images from functions and events that have taken
place are placed on the Battalion Website on a
regular basis, so of you get time log onto
www.ShinyCapstar.Com for more information.
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TO: 25046195 GDSM GARTHWAITE – HQ COY
Hi Babe,
Missing you loads – counting down the days until you
come home. Can’t wait to see you again fat head, all
our love always.
Claire, Hannah, Amy, Marcus and little fathead Karl
x x x
--------------------------------------------------------
TO: 25045771 LCPL ROBINSON MJ – 2 COY
Missing you loads, see you in a couple of weeks.
Stay safe, all our love,
Jen, Katie, Christopher & Chloe x x x
--------------------------------------------------------
TO: 25089857 LCCPL HILTON – 3 COY
Hi Babe,
See you in under two weeks, hope you aint got too
much of a ‘twat tan’. You will have to show me your
white bits! ‘Ha Ha’
Love you lots – Deb x x x
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TO: 24805295 CSGT MONKS – 3 COY
Hi Babe,
We miss you so much and can not wait to see you on
your R&R. Your 2 Baby Girls are fine & miss you
lots.
Lots of kisses & cuddles, waiting for you, love you
lots – Sheeni, Sabua, Safiyah x x x
--------------------------------------------------------
TO: 24763761 LSGT THOMPSON – 2 COY INT
Hi Dad,
Love you and miss you so much, can’t wait to see you
in August, love and hugs – Stephanie x x x
Hi Dad,
Miss you – can’t wait to see you, hope you have my
walkie talkies – love ya Lloyd x x x
Hello Hun,
Well – I won’t see you In August – see you when the
tour is over, take care of yourself and speak soon –
love me x x x
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TO: 25159983 GDSM GAYLER – 2 COY
Hiya Babe,
Can’t wait for R&R, missing you loads – kids driving
me mad! Love you lots, kids missing you + love you
lots, see you next month.
Sue, Owen, Danny & Mutley x x x
--------------------------------------------------------
TO: 25066033 LSGT CORRIE – 2 COY
Missing you tons, can’t wait till you get back.
See you soon, be safe, love you lots.
Helen, Mike & Becca x x x
TO: 24833408 LSGT WATERS – HQ COY
--------------------------------------------------------
Hiya David,
Just to say we are all missing you and love you
lots. Here is a little message,
To Daddy, I love you and miss you. I wish you were
here because martin has beer. Don't worry mummy will
buy you some beer.
Love from Samuel, Helen and Alex x x x
--------------------------------------------------------
25005048 LSGT BUMBY M - 2 COY
Hi darling
We are missing you like crazy and counting the days
till your home in august, can't wait to see you and
we love you very much, more day by day, take care
darling love always,
Julie, Cameron, Annalise x x x
--------------------------------------------------------
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TO: 25064562 LCPL PAUL GARBUTT - 2 COY
Hello Honey
Surprise!!!! I know that I tell you everyday that I
love you and miss you and wish that you were home
safe in my arms, but that isn't enough. Words cannot
explain how much you mean to me. Your R+R went too
quick but at least we have New York to look forward
to now. Missing you every second of every day and
night. I am so proud of you. Keep your spirits up
and remember that I love you for now and always.
LYNYMYWY always and forever
Debbie x x x
--------------------------------------------------------
TO: 24885523 LSGT FRANKS - QM DEPT
Hi Daddy,
I miss you lots and lots, and mummy and me are
counting the weeks until your home. Although I can
only count to 2 and them I’m
stuck!!!
Love you Nicky and Nathan x x x
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TO: CAPT HOWICK – QUARTERMASTER
Hi Dad,
Mum’s teaching me to drive in the ‘Beemer’ – bring
home plenty of masking tape!!
Love & miss you loads – take care
Heather & Matt x x x
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