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A message from the Welfare Officer
As you will
appreciate Op Herrick 7 has been an emotional and frightening
time, not only for the
Battalion in Afghanistan, but especially for those who have been left
behind!
 During
the tour our soldiers have been through emotions and experiences
that no one possibly understands unless you have been through
the same experience with them. Whilst soldiers are away on
operations they have other soldiers to support them, together
they all understand the feelings and emotions they have been
through.
When they
return home – the link will be broken.
Everyone
changes over time and those in Afghanistan will have changed as well,
not only through time but also through their own experiences.
Perhaps the
greatest challenge for all of us, soldiers and families, is
getting to know each other again. Accepting the changes that
have taken place and embracing the love you feel for each other
is what it is all about. Sometimes this will not be easy but
the relationship is worth fighting for.
I hope that
this booklet will help you understand some of the problems you
may face. Understanding them will help you deal with them.
Not everyone
will have difficulties and I really hope none of you do, however
this booklet has been put together as a helpful guideline.
IT’S
BEEN A VERY LONG SIX MONTHS!
Families Officer
1st Bn Coldstream Guards
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Contents
(click the links below to visit the section)
•
A
Message From The Welfare Officer
•
Why Learn
About Homecoming
•
What Will ‘YOU’ Be Thinking?
•
It’s Natural
To Feel Anxious
•
Something For Returning Soldiers
•
Post Traumatic
Stress Disorder
•
Sources of Help
•
The
Weeks That follow a Return
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Homecoming is
really enjoyable but it can also very stressful, this is
because:
•
Changes, even good ones can cause stress.
Homecoming
is a big change, so to help with the transition from the
operational tour to home life, the Battalion will spend some
time in Windsor (Victoria Barracks) to complete administration before
going on Post Operational Tour leave.
Dates for leave have yet to be
confirmed.
• Everyone is
affected.
Soldiers,
partners and children feel the stress as well as friends and
relatives. Due to the tour ‘everyone’ has had to create a
routine, everyone’s routine will have to change to suit the
situation
•Emotions
are especially intense.
Your
happiness and excitement when your loved one comes home will be
powerful emotions . . . . . . . . this may make any
disappointments extra painful experiences.
•
How should we, as a family, prepare for a happy homecoming
Talking about your feelings and
expectations is an important part of preparing for a happy
homecoming.
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What will I be thinking?
Wives, partners and girlfriends may be thinking:
How much have they changed? Have I made the right decision
about our money? Have I coped well with the children? Will I
stop seeing my friends so much?
Soldiers
may wonder: Will my
family still need me? How did things go while I was away? Will
they be happy to see me? How long will this happiness last?
Children
may think: How long
will Mummy/Daddy stay? Will the rules change when they get
home? Will I get punished because I was sometimes naughty for
Mummy/Daddy?
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That it’s Natural
To Feel Anxious…..
As Well As Exited!
 Communicate
with your loved ones frequently towards the
end of the tour
During the
time leading up to homecoming, make special effort to
communicate through letters and phone calls – even though you
can’t call Afghanistan you can still have good calls when he manages to
call you. Discuss what you are doing and feeling, but most of
all be honest with each other.
Talk to each other
Compare your
experiences of what it will be like when he comes home.
 Talk
to
others
Talk to other people in the
same situation – you will find that you are not alone and that
your feelings are not unusual.
 Talk
with the children
Ask them
questions and help them to express their feelings. Help them be
excited but realistic about homecoming.
 Be
realistic
It’s nice to be romantic but
don’t expect more than is possible, realise that things will not
be exactly as you remember them.
Things might get strained at first
As everyone
has changed, it will take a little time for people to get to
know each other again.
 Roles
have changed
A wife will have learned a lot
about managing a home, especially if it is your first tour
apart. A husband may have new skills and added
responsibilities. He is also having to adapt from spending six
months away from home with little freedom and personal space.
The change in role will take time and sometimes be difficult.
Attitudes may have
changed
People’s
interests may have changed. They may have different preferences
on food, clothing and recreation. Attitudes to money, careers
or the future may also change.
 Old
problems will not disappear
It’s nice to remember people at
their best but separation does not usually solve problems.
Concerns about families, schoolwork or household habbits don’t
automatically disappear – there maybe even a few new ones!
Don’t
expect to solve problems straight
away
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For Returning Soldiers To Think About
 Costs
will be different with
you coming home, your pay will change there will be no more LSSA
and ‘tax free fags’.
You
have been away for six months and deserve to spoil yourself and
family but set realistic goals and do not overspend on luxury
items. Bills have to be paid and Christmas is coming with a
long leave attached!
 Don’t
change systems that have been working well
If your wife
has been managing the family finances or things are not as you
left them, do not demand a return to
‘THE WAY THINGS WERE’
 Appreciate
Do appreciate what your wife has
had to put up with during the tour, some times it is easier to
go away than stay behind and cope with everything AND the worry
of not knowing how safe you were in Afghanistan.
Don’t find
fault!
Just because your wife has found different ways of doing things
does not mean that they are wrong.
Go easy on
discipline
Do not try to whip things into
shape, take time to remember and understand how the family works
and has changed during the tour.
Spend
some time with the whole family
Have a proper family reunion
before spending that ‘special time’ with your wife.
Expect
some sexual tension
When two
people have been separated, regardless of how much they love
each other and missed the intimacy, it usually takes some time
to become relaxed and reacquainted with each other, both in and
out of bed.
Support the
changes in your family
Show pleasure and interest in
how your family has grown and changed during the tour.
Expect
to make some personal adjustments
Though you
are looking forward to getting home, it will be challenging to
adjust to the changes in:
Where you sleep, and for how long.
What and where you eat.
The people you see.
What you do in your spare time (don’t just go out on the
to the pub!).
You can make it
easier for your children . . . you need
to make time for them too
When a parent has been away a
young child may take time to remember and accept that parent
again. A young child might be cross at the parent for going
away. A baby might be scared of a parent that they have only
seen once in six months. A child might feel resentful and
jealous of the attention your partner shows the returning
father.
Expect
them to test the limits
When a
parent returns it’s quite natural for children to test the
limits and find out how things have changed. They play up a
little or a LOT!
Sometimes
bad behaviour is used to gain attention......
“Excuse
me Mother – Dear, would you please pass me the fu*%£ng salt!”
Expect others
to be a little resentful
Others usually think of going
away as much more exciting than staying at home – whether you
think that way or not.
Listen!
Listen to your partner, they may
have gone through many ordeals while you were away. They will
need you to listen whilst they express their feelings.
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(PTSD)
The
following is an article on PTSD. It is there for you to read and
understand some of the feelings soldiers may feel after a
difficult and dangerous tour.
It is not
here to frighten you and, whereas most soldiers will have it to
a certain degree, they will get through it with just the help
and understanding from their families.
A few
soldiers will suffer with PTSD and it is important that it is
identified and treated quickly.
The ancient
Greeks first recorded signs and symptoms in their soldiers
following battle that today would be recognised as Post
Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD). Over recent centuries
military commanders and doctors have recorded a variety of
symptoms which eventually became linked with the effect which
the traumatic events experienced in war fighting (and peace
keeping) can have on those who have been involved in these
events. ‘Soldiers Heart’, shell shock, war neurosis, and battle
fatigue are all terms which have been widely used to describe a
condition which has now become widely recognised and now
identified as combat related PTSD.
PTSD is a
psychological response to the experience of intense traumatic
events particularly those that threaten life. Obviously
servicemen engaged in combat are many times more likely to
experience the traumatic triggers, which result is PTSD
occurring.
More recently, servicemen and
women engaged in peacekeeping operations have also experienced
the same problem, this is hardly surprising when you consider
the events that they have witnessed and in which they have often
become embroiled in the course of their duties. PTSD is a
pervasive illness that can affect every aspect of a person’s
life. It prevents them from functioning properly making even
activities of daily living difficult. It affects relationships
causing disharmony and breakdown of marriages and friendships,
often leaving the victim socially isolated and family and
friends badly affected as well.
Common symptoms include insomnia, recurring nightmares,
persistant high anxiety levels, secure mood swings, hyper
alertness, flashbacks (sights, sounds and smells), violent and
aggressive outbursts, lack of concentration, as well as sexual
disfunction and depression. On top of this the veteran may well
suffer from alcohol or drug abuse related problems often caused
through an attempt to self-medicate their symptoms away.
One
of the main challenges in helping sufferers is to engage with
them and get them to accept treatment. Many feel misunderstood
by health professionals and society generally so withdraw and
suffer in silence. Others carry so much guilt with them they
feel unworthy of accepting help.
The above article shows PTSD at it’s worst. These cases are
very rare. Treatment in all cases of PTSD is good and a full
recovery is normal. Help is easy to get and readily available
with experts here in Aldershot.
All you have to do is
ask and we will help
HELP IS AVAILABLE 24 hours a day 7 days a week
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Of
Sources of Help
If you
are still having trouble adjusting after more than a couple of
months, you can seek professional help.
Sources
of help include:
The
Welfare Office
The
Army Welfare Service
The
Padre
Relate
SSAFA
Forces Help
The
Hive
We are here to help, don't be afraid to ask.
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A
Return From An Operational Tour
Expect
unusual feelings and moods from both partners and children
Do
not expect things to go back to normal right away
Take
time to adjust
Talk
to each other
Discuss
your feelings
If you are worried about something speak to your friends, your
family, the Welfare Office or the Unit Medical Officer.
*Don’t bottle feelings
up*
Homecoming is a happy occasion and a time to build a stronger,
loving family.
So make homecoming a ‘joyful
time!’
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Create reasonable
expectations |
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Take time to readjust |
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Communicate your feelings |
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