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3 Company Sit Rep as at 3rd Sep 07
(Archive)
Current Deployment - 3 Company - Camp
Bastion - HQ
Major Charles’ or Number Three Company Pre-Tour Training - 10
Sept 2007
The British have a much admired ability to accommodate changing
circumstances and remain unperturbed as the familiar becomes
unpredictable, and the future just fails to follow any carefully
prepared plan. The nation that survived by ‘making do and
mending’, the army that ‘adapts and overcomes’, the Regiment
formed for a Royalist Officer with more pragmatic beliefs about
loyalty, all of these have contributed to the ethos of the
Company since the beginning of the year. Despite having been
warned off for an operational deployment almost before tunics
gave way to greatcoats and Guards returned to the more civilised
48hr turnaround, it was not until the Spring of this year that
the Battalion was able to commence the planning for another
venture on the North-West frontier. Of course the rumour mill,
and more tactical leaks than a badly maintained ex-Soviet
submarine, had long ago given even the most agoraphobic of
storemen a hint that desert pattern DPM boxer shorts and a
Pashtun dictionary might be worth including on the Birthday
present list, yet only a very select few knew that Helmand was
very much on the cards until it was revealed to the Bn in
February.
Sure enough though, wardrobe space was given over to all manner
of modified green suits as Home Service clothing was handed back
into the Stores and highly bulled drill boots morphed into the
latest offerings from Messrs Lowe and Altberg, Magnum and Meindl.
With the new seasons collection came new personnel. Major
Hamilton went home for the weekend, somehow went blonde, adopted
a pair of Christian names, found time to transfer to the 3rd Bn
the Grenadier Guards and returned calling himself Tom
Charles. Obviously a hard task master, the Company went through
three Second in Commands in a matter or weeks leaving Captain
Johnston as the one without the chair, but with a big pile of
MATT returns, when the music stopped. The shock news that Two
Company had been disbanded shed some light on the sudden
increase in both average height and numbers of the Guardsmen,
though rumours that this was the result of their Company
Commander, Major Rosen, having a particularly bad run at that
backgammon table were neither confirmed nor denied by the tight
lipped Company Sergeant Major Wright who deposed the previous
incumbent, Mr. Goole 2004 himself, CSM Roffey in a surprisingly
bloodless coup.
Platoon Commanders drifted in, found themselves very much out of
their depth, and moved on, or around in circles, with alarming
regularity. Mr McMahon switching companies no less than three
times in his first morning with the Bn, and Mr Watkins
commanding 9, 10, and 11 platoons all in the space of a week,
though none of them felt inclined to keep him. Mr. Joyce managed
to secure the last place on the lifeboat from the sinking Two
Company ship, though he too found himself cast back into the
cruel sea and was last seen paddling in the direction of the
Training Wing. It wasn’t all bad news though, as the merry round
of pack for exercise, unpack, clean kit, repack for exercise,
unpack etc continued, and as Spring reverted to Winter the
latest batch of Brecon bairns rolled out of the factory and
Messrs Hayhurst and Newton busied themselves with their new
platoons. At all levels new faces emerged for morning roll calls
from all over the Bn and beyond. The Company now has a fine
Celtic contingent with a multiple from the Welsh Guards under
Sgt Jones ’06
 joining
us to protect the OC from the predatory cleaning ladies. Their
input has been welcomed throughout, particularly within the Glee
Club whose plans to produce Bach’s St John’s Passion in Camp
Bastion next Easter are now on a much firmer footing given the
revitalised Baritone section and tighter harmonies.
The Company has had a remarkably busy few months. To the delight
of all concerned it was calculated that for one 45 day period
married men would have a maximum of two nights at home in
between the non-stop ranges and exercise packages. Those lucky
enough to qualify for frequent coach points have been over the
moon as virtually every major training area in the United
Kingdom has been visited at least once this year. The magical
mystery tour started in March with a week on (at that point)
sunny Salisbury Plain for some low level section and platoon
tactical revision and erm… PT. Forced into the defence of a farm
on the northern edge of the training area, the Company found
itself besieged on one side by dodgy looking blokes with even
worse pretend accents, and the main road on the other. From
Salisbury Plain it was a quick ten day spot of leave before
returning and prepping to go to… Salisbury Plain again.
Things were now on a somewhat larger scale, as Coy became
Battlegroup, and someone saw fit to issue everyone frickin’
lasers. The G4 train, under ladies favourite and former male
model CQMS Douglas and his willing helpers, came into its
element. The supply of chocolate, pop, crisps, burgers,
langoustines and Chateau-Neuf-du-Pape seemed never-ending,
though for this they were rewarded with nothing but constant
lasering to set off the TES kit, though possibly not as much as
the Commanding Officer’s Rover Group who got zapped more times
than a dozy fly in a kitchen. Battlegroup attachments appeared
adding another layer of complexity to the Planning Cycle and
increasingly bizarre logistical demands. For three weeks the
battle raged across the Plain, reputations were won and lost,
vehicles written off and whole companies vanished at the most
inexplicable of occasions.
More leave followed, then back to the coal face as the lessons
learned were translated into cascade and then OPTAG training.
The latter, specific to the theatre of operations seemed to
involve a lot of pointing and shouting and speaking slowly
through interpreters who seemed to find it all far more amusing
than the Guardsmen as public order serials, IED drills and base
defence soon merged into one. Live firing at Lydd and Hythe was
testing but thoroughly enjoyed by all, hopefully Enemy Forces in
Helmand will prove somewhat more vulnerable than the figure 11
and 12 targets that just kept getting back up for more.
By now it was June and time for a spot of ‘proper soldiering’ in
the words of the Regimental Adjutant, Major Crofton, as the
Company desperately tried to remember which side the plume went
on a bearskin and whether you were allowed to fire and manoeuvre
down The Mall. The Queen’s Birthday Parade was a 2nd Battalion
affair this year with, amongst others, former 3 Coy stalwarts
Messrs Green and Mills stealing the show. They marched to and
from Horse Guards along a route lined by the 1st Bn, where the
temperature was agreeably cooler than 2006. Once over and done
with, it was off to STANTA and Sgt. Hutt’s old stomping ground
of Thetford where the howls of his relatives in the woods
terrified the sentries at night. Former Miss UK, Big Brother
hate figure, and busty glamour girl Danielle Lloyd decided that
following her public split from Driving Licence fraudster Teddy
Sheringham what she really needed was a quiet few days in the
country to get away from it all. Why she chose Thetford still
remains a mystery, and the need to be accompanied by her mother
and a photographer was confusing, but it certainly cheered up
the men, as did the spread in the Daily Star. Gdsm Anderson, her
agent assures us that as soon as her phone is reconnected she
will give you a call, but money is a bit tight at a moment. Sgt.
Hutt, sadly her mother has said that Windsor is just a bit too
far to travel every weekend, but can you still be friends?
Back to Plain again in July for a 52 Brigade mission rehearsal
exercise. In short, not much rehearsing was done, though a lot
of volleyball and deep tanning was enjoyed by all in between
notional surge operations on notional enemy positions via
notional helicopters under notional air support. Enough said.
Blank was then exchanged for live, compasses dusted off and
boots thoroughly waterproofed for live firing in distinctly
unsunny Sennybridge. Owing to a double booking the Bn found
itself bashering up in a field in torrential rain, though if it
isn’t raining it isn’t Wales. A few days of section and then
platoon live firing under more smoke, tracer and illum than had
ever been seen before prepared the Company for a jolly to
Otterburn and a Company live firing during day and night
conditions. More work is required on shooting was the main
lesson learned though Mr McMahon insists he got the highest
score on the March and Shoot, making him the best shot in the
Brigade. Apparently.
And so the Bn and 3 Company look forward to leave. It has been a
hectic few months, not only for the rifle companies, but also
Support Company, the G4 echelons, Int cells, NKETs teams, in
short the whole Bn. Work still remains to be done, September
will also prove busy but the feeling that the end is in sight
and anticipation of the upcoming deployment drives everyone on.
Op Herrick 7 will be a stern test of morale and skill, yet the
Company are ready, aye ready.
RJM Watkins
Lieut
For Company Commander
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